May Caption Contest Winners

First Place

The dust cleared around the remains of the Frat House, revealing the corpse of Professor Walsh. Suddenly, a ring of vampires and demons appeared and started singing "Ding, dong, the bitch is dead". This was when Riley realised - somehow, he wasn't in Iowa anymore.

Demon in doorway: I AM THE DEMON MORDETH! DESTROYER OF WORLDS! CORRUPTOR OF LITTLE... furry... uhmm. Is this a bad time? cuz I can come back...
Riley: Man, it just never stops. Always gotta be one kind of apocalypse demon or another, doesn't it?
Demon: Hey, I said I was sorry. Geez fine... I'll come back in, what, twenty minutes?
Buffy: (Giggle) Twenty minutes? More like five...
Demon: (chuckle) Quick draw huh?
Riley: HEY!

Second Place

Interviewer: So, Marc, would you consider, if it was done, y'know, tastefully...actually keeping your shirt ON for an episode?

"if you show them naked, they will watch...."
~Loo Thompson

Third Place


And how would YOU suggest we get in our condom endorsements?
~Casix Thistlebane

Fourth Place

Figure in doorway: "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"
Buffy: "Spike, this is a new low. Even for you."

Unseen Woman: What the HELL!?!
Riley: Crap, it's my wife...

They Appealed to My Ego

RILEY: Robyn! (The Snowshoe Hare) Hi!
BUFFY: Angel? What are you doing here?!
Xreader: Oh, this is just nutty. It was much cooler when you and Angel were in that position.
Riley: Buffy? An explanation?
Buffy: Sure. After I kill two fan fic writers and a vampire ex-boyfriend.
Robyn & Xreader: EEP!!!

Buffy&Riley: "Oh my God...."
(off camera) Gabe: "Robyn the Snowshoe Hare! Quit oogling!"
Robyn: "Hey, you are *my* Delightfully Evil Minion, don't tell me what to do!"
Gabe: Well, can I at least have Xander to oogle at then?"

We Had A Theme!

James: Riley, man, I thought you loved me!
Riley: Oh crap...Uh, Buffy, my wife, James

Angel: You! It's you!
Buffy: Angel, it's not what you think... Hold on, you two know each other?
Angel: But... when you and I... Riley; you have to tell her.
Buffy: Excuse me? What *is* going on?
Riley: Well, Buffy, there's something I need to tell you.
Buffy: You can tell me anything.
Riley: Well, have you ever considered that Riley is kind of a unisex name?
Buffy: Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?
Riley: Yes, Buffy. I used to be a woman. Angel and I go way back. Darling! Care to join us?

Xander: Buffy!
Buffy: Xander!
Giles: Buffy!
Buffy: Giles!
Frank: Riley!
~Casix Thistlebane

Bunnies, Bunnies, Everywhere

"Whatya mean we're like bunnies?"
~Daniel Vega

Buffy:That has got to be the biggest rabbit I've ever seen.
Riley:My, God, it's huge! It can't be an ordinary bunny.
~M. Jade

He Kicked My Procrastinating Butt

Riley: HOW long do we have hold this pose?
Buffy: Just until the bunny-girl finishes off the month.
Riley: It's already the sixth....
~Loo Thompson

Honorable Mention

And thus, the moral of the series changed from "sex is bad" to "sex is bad until you graduate from high school, in which case its good. But only sometimes."
~Loo Thompson

Riley: Um, this isn't what it looks like.
Buffy: Are you kidding me? This is exactly what it looks like. Now close the door, so we can have more of what this looks like.

Buffy: Xander! What are you doing here?
Xander: Man, is there any time during the day when you aren't naked wrestling? It's 4:00pm for God's sake! Besides, first Riley has sex with Faith while she was in your body, then you guys power the big haunted orgasm house and almost kill a bunch of people. Don't you realise that nasty things happen when you do the nasty?
Riley: What, is something else happening?
Xander: No, Anya sent me up here to ask if you would consider a foursome...

Dru (from doorway): Do it again! Do it again!

Buffy: Angel, I am so glad that you finally found a way around the happiness clause, and couldn't wait to tell me, but THIS IS A REALLY BAD TIME!
Riley: Yeah, really!
~Phantom Dennis

'... and they called it... puppy love...'

Spike(pulling off a mask):Think we fooled them?

Buffy: You get the feeling we're being watched.
Riley: Huh?
Buffy: Like maybe Ms. Walsh may be monitoring you.
Riley: Whoah! Too much X-Files, Buffy. Next you'll say Ms. Walsh secretly has the hots for me, and that she's going to try to have you killed.
Buffy: It does seem silly!
~Phantom Dennis

Riley: Where in the Karma Sutra did it say anything about doing it like that?!
Buffy: Actually, it was the Slayer's Handbook. Now I know why Giles didn't want me to read it....

"Hey, they're having sex!"
"They're having sex?"
"They're having sex."
"Oh, great. More sex."
~Jane, the Frog on the Wall

Anya: How come you guys got to have constant sex this episode. Isn't that our domain Xander?
Xander: Sigh
Anya: Joss!!

Buffy: I was just helping Riley with his bed wetting problem.
Riley: Buuuuffy!


Riley: "And that's why I joined the Initiative..."
Buffy: "Honey? Shut up and f***."
~Rabid Child

Joss: "Sarah! Marc!"
Sarah: "Oh my God.... you guys had the cameras on in here!?"

Riley (thinking): Heh heh. If I just slowly move my hand towards her thigh, she won't care about that woman standing in the doorway...
Buffy: Mom?!

Xander: (off camera) "Can I have sex with Riley too?"

Buffy: NO! Xander you may not join us.

"Mom! Uh, I guess since he's not attacking me there must not be a happiness clause."
~Daniel Vega

"Look, it's Giles! With a chainsaw!"

Buffy: Xander, of course we're not, you know, we just misplaced our clothes! ~Dingo Riley: Boy, those push-ups really pay of. (calling to Xander) Hey! Did I miss Giles singing? Damn. I guess I'll have to wait for another episode.
Buffy: If we're lucky.
~M. Jade

Riley: "Whoa, cool, I never knew I had so a big fan club!"
Buffy: "I don't think those are fans...more like rabid Buffy/Angel 'shippers here to lop your head off...note the flaming sicks, chainsaws, swords and other sharp and deadly weaponry."
Riley: "Okay, but...which head?"

Buffy: Angel! What an...unexpected surprise!

Sarah: Are we done yet? Marc, is it really necessary to have your hand there? I thought this scene was supposed to be tasteful!
Marc: It's in the script, Sarah, I swear!
Sarah: Well, I'll have to discuss this with the writers. Where are they!
~M. Jade

Xander: Oh but we did knock. We banged on the door, got tossed around, got stabbed by branches, and almost got drowned.
Buffy: Oh well sorry. Its not like we asked you to. Can you leave now.

Buffy: Oh! Hi Spike. What's with the railroad spikes?
Spike: Well luv, remember when I said no one touches what's mine?
Buffy: uh huh.
Spike: I meant it!
Riley: Oh shit!!

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