Title: Missing, Presumed Death
Author: Arymede the Drunken Butterfly
E-mail: qwixyi@yahoo.com
Part: 8/?

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Meanwhile, in a bar in the southwest quadrant of Rio de Janeiro...

"So, who's ready to play badminton?"

The television screen above the bar faded to black, then popped up again on a background colour scheme of puce and lavender. An announcer, in the form of a three eyed rat, announced (as announcers are wont to do) "And now for some words from our sponsors," in a sickeningly ingratiating voice.

The occupants of the bar, a mix of assorted demons, monsters, and television syndicates, groaned in unison, then lined up to get drinks from the tall, humanoid bartender, who had suspiciously reddish skin and the barest hint of curved horns. A few remained in their seats, talking or watching the commercials.

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Do you suffer from Angelic Benevolence Syndrome?

Do you find your thoughts straying to pity, mercy, or disgust at killing in the midst of a torturing?

Dr. Bezaliel may be able to help *you*.

"Hi! I'm licensed psychiatrist Azrog Bezaliel. I personally guarantee to cure you of your conscience problems, or your money back!"

Mustbebetweentheagesof763and942,offeronlyavailableondaysbeginningwithH,expiresAp ril19th,1468,somerestrictionsapply.

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(a young chaos demon wanders onto the screen)

"Mommy, can I play with the helpless victims?"

"No! It takes weeks to get human out of the carpet!"

No mother should have to deny her child. That's why there's the Deny-O-Matic. No longer do you have to think up excuses to frustrate your child. Just set the Deny-O-Matic, and go out for a drink!

(cut to a demon party. We don't need to go into what exactly is going on.)

And if you call now, we'll give you an amazing deal on a box set of collector's edition internal human organs! They're fun! They're wacky! Eat them, wear them pinned to your lapel, display them, but collect them all!

To order, call 1-800-24-ORGAN. Shipping and handling costs apply to residents of Iceland, Tierra del Fuego, and Oklahoma.

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Suffering from those goodwill blues? Liven up your life (metaphorically speaking) by calling Destruction Live! Talk one-on-one with whatever creatures you find desirable, reliving past massacres, or planning future ones. We have a 98% success rate! We guarantee new ideas for world destruction, breaking updates on torture techniques, or at least some decent phone sex! Call now!

1-900-666-8779.

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The bar conversations fall silent as the three eyed rat returns with its puce and lavender background.

"We now return to our program. When you last saw our doomed heroes..."

Next Part

Buy Arymede another drink

You're the designated driver, and it's time to take our little butterfly home